Mom to the rescue.

My mom is the best.
The other day when I returned from my run with a few sobs. I walked inside, grabbed my puppy, and went back out crying. I didn't get fifty feet down the driveway before she came running out. I could tell by her face that she knew this wasn't a hurt cry, merely an emotional one.
She asked what was wrong. And I told her all about how terrible my runs had felt and how entirely frustrating that was.
"Before my trip I could do 15 miles non stop, but now I barely get two before I begin to give out."


I'm a distance runner. For the past six years that's been my growing identity. But right now, that title feels threatened. 

Two months ago I spent half a month in a third world country. There I was unable to run. Which was fully okay in my mind. I figured that it wouldn't be long for me to get back in the swing of things. 

But I was wrong. 

I told my mom how I have been struggling immensely since my return home." My runs are sluggish and fatigued." Mom pointed out that I was sick; I was stuck with a nasty chest cold, and so there was a number of times in which the congestion got to the point wherein I literally couldn't breath, so I would have to stop and hack for a few minutes. And yes this was true. As is the fact that since my return, summer has been at its peak; 80-90 degrees and humidity at 50%+. So when I stop, look at my watch and fund my heart rate to be 190, I'd say it's okay to take a breather. 

But what about the other times? Because they happen too. And once I give in once, I do again. And again. And again. And I don't know why. I won't be out of breath, my breathing will be dandy. But something within me still feels worn out. I hesitate to think it to be my mental state. The reason being because I still love to run. I want to run. Which is why it is causing such distress and sadness inside of me that something just isn't clicking. 
I'm hoping this is just a quick phase. And with XC season right around the corner, I hope it's one that soon passes. 
As I told mom these things, she couldn't fully comprehend. I'm not sure anyone who is not a runner could. But she tried. 
I then told her my final haunch as to what is wrong. My summer diet has been terrible. I have been consuming less whole foods and fruits, and more crap food like poptarts and cookies. And oh gosh, do I feel the difference. 
Again, she told me she didn't know what that was like. And that's okay. 

Later that evening when I returned home from work, I came in to a house refilled with an abundance of fruit; bananas, raspberries, strawberries, kiwi, grapes... All of my favorite things.
Her silent way of trying to help me. 

And for this, I'm grateful.